


Blood is not Love

by Peanutbutterassistant



Series: Pre Canon Will and Jem [2]
Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Canon, Will not realizing he’s in love with his best friend for 2000 words, parabati curse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29245074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanutbutterassistant/pseuds/Peanutbutterassistant
Summary: Pre canon Will and Jem because I say so.A man named Elias Carstairs arrived at the institute this morning, announcing that he had just now heard of what had happened to Jem (three years after what had happened actually happened), and had come to the institute as soon as he could in order to take custody of Jem. He brought some special family sword and everything to whisk Jem away to who knows where.“After all,” he had said, “we are family.”
Relationships: Jem Carstairs/Will Herondale
Series: Pre Canon Will and Jem [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147376
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Blood is not Love

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing is based off of a snippet from “Ghosts of the Shadow Market”
> 
> “Many years ago, when Jem was still a child, his uncle Elias had come to the London institute and offered to take him away. ‘After all,’ he’d said, ‘We are Family.’
> 
> ‘You should go.’ Will said stormily. ‘I don’t care.’
> 
> Will had slammed the door in his way out, declaring he was off on a wild adventure. After Elias departed, Jem had found Will sitting in the dark in the music room, staring at Jem’s violin. He’d sat down on the floor beside Will.
> 
> ‘Entreat me not to leave thee, idiot.’ Jem had said. And Will had put his head down on Jem’s sholder. Jem had felt Will trembling with the effort not to laugh or cry, and known Will had wanted to do both.
> 
> Blood was not love.”

Will was a fifteen year old, monstrous creature, and the only thing that particularly mattered in his life was James Carstairs.

A man named Elias Carstairs arrived at the institute this morning, announcing that he had just now heard of what had happened to Jem (three years after what had happened actually happened), and had come to the institute as soon as he could in order to take custody of Jem. He brought some special family sword and everything to whisk Jem away to who knows where.

“After all,” he had said, “we are family.”

And Will, being the emotionally stunted gremlin he is, boiled with anger and left the room. Because Will’s whole fifteen year old life was James Carstairs, what was he going to do now that Jem was being taken away? Who was he even going to be? Did he even matter at all if Jem wasn’t there to remind him that he did? Did people matter when there was no one who cared about them?

“You should go,” Will had said. “I don’t care.”

Elias had called Jem “Carstairs Ke Jian Ming”, and Will had never heard that name in his life. He had pronounced it like “ _ h-wain _ ”, like it was something he wasn’t used to saying. Was that Jem’s  _ real  _ name? Why hadn’t he told him? What else did Will not know about Jem? Jem was still in the building and he already felt so far away. 

Will, in all of his self loathing, thought maybe it was better to never have let himself become close to Jem at all. Maybe he should have just stayed alone, like he was supposed to, and that maybe Jem leaving with his cousin was the best thing for him. Maybe it’s as best that Jem had nothing to do with Will. Will was a curse, a plague upon anyone who cared about him, and Jem shouldn’t have to subject himself to that. Will would never want himself to be the reason Jem was miserable… or hurt.

But on the other hand, the very last thing Will wanted right now was to lose Jem. Jem was the only person Will had. Without Jem, he’d be alone. And despite repeatedly telling himself he was better off alone so that he didn’t hurt anyone, he really didn’t like it. He thinks that this self social isolation should be classified as a form of torture. 

Will desperately wanted Jem to stay around, not just because he had no one else, but because it was  _ Jem _ and Will  _ needed _ him. Will would always need him.

Will’s stomach grumbled. After running away from his problems, he had told the others he was off to go on a wild adventure and not look for him. He had, in reality, walked the same four streets of London in complete misery for three hours. He waited until Elias was gone before returning. Then he went to hide under Jem’s desk in the music room, because no one would ever look for him there. Ha! He was so incredibly clever. Why would Will, upset about Jem, go to hide in the room that reminded him the most of him? Genius. But it had been a long while, and Will was hungry and a bit restless. 

And if Jem’s violin was laying a handful of feet in front of him, and Will was weeping silently, that was his business. 

But the last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone right now. He wanted to be alone and wallow in self pity and remorse, like a cool kid.

But fate was a horribly cruel monster, and the door to the music room creaked open. 

“Will?” Came Jem’s voice from the hallway. 

Will clamped a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from making any noise.

“Will, I can see you.” Said Jem. “I can see your shadow.”

_ Damn _ . Will thought.  _ I really thought this hiding spot would work. _ But he didn’t say anything out loud. If Jem wanted to say his goodbyes, he would have to come over here.

Will could tell from the soft footsteps that Jem had, in fact realized that, and was walking closer. He noticed the violin, but he said nothing. His pale face peaked from around the top of the desk.

“Is this where you’ve been all the time?” He asked. “It’s been hours. The whole institute is looking for you.”

“That sounds like a colossal waste of time.” Said Will dryly.

Jem made his way around the desk to stand in front of him. “You’re upset.”

“No, I'm not.”

“Yes, you are.” Said Jem. “I can hear it in your voice. You needn’t cause such a scene. If there’s something wrong, you can just tell me.”

_ I know, but you wouldn’t understand. None of this makes any sense. Not even to me. You’re literally going to die- it could happen at any time- and the idea of losing you makes me want to scream.  _ “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Jem let loose a long sigh and crouched low to the floor. Then, he scooted himself close, as to sit directly next to Will. Which probably wasn’t the best move, since there was barely any room under this desk to begin with. It pushed them impossibly close. 

“Don’t you think I ought to know what is wrong with my own Parabatai?” Jem asked.

Will crossed his arms, and said nothing.

“It’s because my cousin is an old dingbat, isn’t it?” Jem asked. “You’re disappointed that he isn’t witty and charming like I am. You were expecting more from the Carstairs family.”

Will angled his head toward Jem, not able to tell if he was joking or not. 

“Come on, admit it.” Said Jem, ribbing him in the side. “You’ll feel better.” When that didn’t work, Jem switched to poking Will on the side of the face. “C’mon. Will. William. C’mon. I totally understand, I know I must have set the standards too high. I was disappointed too. Will.  _ Will. _ ”

“Ugh!” Will grunted, shoving Jem as far away as he could (which was; not at all). “You- that’s not- you’re  _ impossible _ !”

“Oh,  _ I’m _ impossible?” Jem said. “You stormed out of the room for no disconcernable reason and now my only living relative thinks my parabatai is some sort of ruffian!”

“What? Were we supposed to lie to him?” Will shot back. “He’s right. I’m a ruffian. A mischief maker, a loathsome barbarian, a tomfool. You should be careful around me James, honestly, I’m a loose cannon.”

Jem started at him for a moment, then cracked into a long smile. Then the two of them were laughing. Will wiped at his eyes, and when he refocused at Jem, he was looking at him. 

This close to his face, Will could see how his once dark eyelashes were almost all silver now. It should have made him upset- another tell tale sign of his illness- but it made him squirmish for some reason. They were still so long, and… Will wanted to say delicate, but that wasn’t quite the right word… soft? Will’s head was fuzzy.

“There’s that smile.” Said Jem. And Will realized he had just fallen for his own trick. When Jem was down and Will couldn’t get him to talk, he would try joking about it until Jem felt lighter, and then he would reapproach the subject. He felt cheated, as if he had lost something.

“Oh, rubbish,” said Will, “I’m only laughing to make you feel better about your failing career as a comedian.”

“Mmhmm.” Jem hummed. 

“Shut up.” Shot Will.

“Anyway,” Jem said, “I want to know what’s up with you. I want to help.”

Will felt antsy. He had been sitting underneath this table for more than an hour and he wanted to move. He wanted to run. He wanted to get out of here. He wanted to be anywhere in the world except under a desk with his best friend. It was too hot down here. Had it always been this hot? Whatever- he was sweating. His palms were sweaty. His heart was acting like he had just run a marathon.

“It’s not- I’m fine.” Will decided. “I’m good, you can go now.”

“Will-“

“Just stop it.” Said Will, harsher than he meant to. “Just go with your cousin. You were always going to leave, anyway. Just do it now and save us both the trouble.” His hands were really sweaty. What was going on? “I don’t care what you do, just leave me alone.”

“What?” Said Jem softly. “Is that what this is all about? Will-“

“Just knock it off!” Will lied. “I don’t want you here anymore and clearly, neither does you cousin.”

Will’s knees were already at his chest, so Will wrapped his arms around them and buried his face so Jem wouldn’t see it. A feather light hand weighed on his shoulder.

“Will, look at me.”

Will did not want to look at him.

“ _ Will. _ ”

But when had he ever been able to say no to Jem?

Will lifted his head, but didn’t look Jem in the eye. He didn’t need Jem peering past his lies right now. Jem needed to believe this so he could leave him without feeling guilty about it.

“My cousin asked me to leave with him for Idris and live with him. He said I belonged with my family. Do you know what I told him?”

Will shook his head.

“I told him I already had a family.” Said Jem. “Will, it’s you. You’re my family. You’re my  _ parabatai,  _ I don’t need anyone else. Entreat me not to leave thee, idiot.”

Will finally looked up. He had definitely been here too long. He felt pins and needles. He was a bit parched, actually. There was a lump in his throat and he couldn’t speak. Jem had never needed to understand Will through words, though. 

Will let his head fall down on Jem's shoulder, he was trembling. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. He kind of wanted to do both. Jem held him there until Will was able to pull himself back.

“What is it?” Jem asked, upon seeing his face again. “You still look disturbed. Is there anything else bugging you?”

Will needed to leave, probably. His heart was beating too fast, like he should be running right now. “I don’t-“

“Will.”

Will took a deep breath. “You cousin, he called you,  _ Jian Ming,  _ I think. Who is that? Is that you?”

Jem blinked at him, surprised. “Yeah, it’s… its my name. James is the English version. Jian is my first name, and Ming is my middle name. The family name goes first in mandarin.” 

“Oh.” Said Will. “So I’ve been calling you a made up name the whole time?”

Jem laughed. “No, I prefer Jem. It’s nice. Jian died when his parents did. I’m James, now.”

“Oh.” Said Will, not entirely sure how to respond to that. “Why James?”

“What?”

“I mean, why choose James? Out of all the English names, why James?” Will asked. “I mean, it doesn’t even sound like Jian.”

“Well it- that’s because there’s no ‘J’ sound in mandarin. But like, if you spelt it out, it would be with a ‘J’. If you spelt it out in English, I mean, because in mandarin characters it’s, well it’s complicated because-“

“You lost me.” Said Will.

Jem sighed inwardly. “Hold on,” he said. He reached on top of the desk and took a pen and an inkwell down with him without spilling anything. He grabbed Will’s arm and pushed up his sleeve. He wrote something in characters he didn’t recognize on his forearm. Then, English words above it.

“See?” Said Jem. He pointed a finger at the first two characters. “ _ Car  _ and  _ stairs.  _ That one goes first, since it’s my fathers last name.” He pointed to the English words  _ Carstairs  _ written above it. Then he moved his finger to the next character. “That’s  _ Ke,  _ my mothers last name. It’s a very important shadowhunter’s name, so people usually keep it in there, just for formality's sake. And this is how you spell it in English.” He dragged his finger up to the English word  _ Ke  _ just above it.

Jem’s fingers were cold, and Will’s skin was so hot, he suspected his blood was secretly molten lava.

“Then there’s my first name, see? That’s  _ Jian _ . And this is how you would spell it in English, here.” He pointed. The hair on Will’s arm was standing on end. Surely, Jem had noticed.

“And this one’s  _ Ming.  _ That’s my middle name. It’s pretty common, actually. This is how you’d spell it in English.” He finished.

“I think it’s nice.” Said Will. Jem tilted his head ever so slightly, maybe thinking how ridiculous Will was. He smiled ever just so, as if saying “what am I going to do with you?”

Will felt the sudden urge to fill the silence with talk. “I can’t believe you’ve never told me! Well, I guess I never asked. I’ve never told you my welsh name, but that’s-“

“Your what!?” Jem asked, grinning widely.

“Oh boy.”

“Well now you have to tell me.” Said Jem.

Will tried not to think about anything connecting to his family, his blood family, at least. All it ever did was make him incredibly depressed. But then again, it was Jem, and he couldn’t say no to Jem.

“Gwilym.” Said Will. “My middle name is Owain.”

Jem raised a single hand to his mouth. “It’s so  _ pretty. _ ”

Will flushed a violent shade of red. “I knew you were going to be weird about this. It isn’t pretty!”

“It totally is.”

“Is not!”

“What’s wrong with pretty?” Jem asked. “I like pretty.”

Before Will could think about that, he flicked Jem in the head, who kept laughing.

He felt that feeling inside of his chest again, that burning feeling. The desire to bolt. He clenched his fists tight. He recognized this feeling suddenly. This was the stupid impulsivity that he felt that drove him to kiss Jem in the library earlier that year. Jem’s hair was even more silver now than it was then. 

They hadn’t talked about it. Will hadn’t even thought about it. For all purposes, it might as well have not even happened. Panic flickered through his mind, and Will tried backing up, but his back hit wood. Jem’s laughing eyes met Will’s, and everything else seemed to melt away. The burning in his chest got hotter, until he realized it wasn’t his chest, it was the skin on it. He rune- his parabatai rune. 

He couldn’t tell by looking at Jem if he felt it too. His head felt fuzzy, he held onto one thought.

Blood was not love.


End file.
